Thursday, October 18, 2007

My Pink Ribbon

The conversation, as told by my mother, went something like this:
Dawn: They said I have fibroids... something about being caused by too much caffeine... but feel this one... it's been growing really fast...
My Mom (feeling Dawn's breast as directed by Dawn): Dawn! Oh my god! You need to get that checked out right away!

That was five days ago.

Yesterday, my mom telephoned to tell me this story and to let me know that Dawn was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has a fast-growing, aggressive tumor. They will operate in two weeks to get further information and to see if it has gotten into her lymph nodes. The prognosis is unclear.

And it can happen. Just. Like. That.

Dawn is 33 years old (just three years older than me), a mother to an almost-two-year-old boy, and engaged to be married. At 33, she's never had a mammogram. They say start when you're 40, right?

I felt as though my mom was delivering news about my best friend, or an aunt or a grandma, the way the news crawled into my heart and has remained nestled there. I felt the lump in my throat and a rush of emotions that are normally reserved for those closest to me. Dawn works with my mom, has become a friend (closer to me than an acquaintance), and is just working at raising her little boy the best she can.

And now this.

If you are wearing your pink ribbon this month for no one in particular, but for everyone in general, maybe you can wear it for Dawn.

Just thought I'd ask.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


Current Weight: 181

Wooo Hoooo! Back to my low... back to an official 48 pound loss!

This time I mean it: 170s, Here I Come!!!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

And dropping...

Current Weight: 184

Down another pound this morning. This shit really works, I guess.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007


Today's weight: 185

I obviously had some major water-weight gain going on because who loses five pounds overnight? I mean, I did stick to Kimkins very strictly yesterday so that helped, and I tell ya, it was very nice to see the scale drop so quickly. I'll be at my all-time low of 181 very soon, and then will come the moment of 179 where I will be down 50 lbs. since the beginning of my journey.

We're hitting the YMCA just about every day. Yesterday I started using the machines for weight training. I am going to do my 30 min. of treadmill (at 20-25% incline and 3.8 mph) every day, and on M,W,F I am going to hit the machines. The part of my body that I am really interested in toning up is my thighs. The Walrus says my butt has really shrunk, and I would love to get rid of this jiggly belly but I am not sure if there is a way. Let's face it, I carried a 9 lb 7 oz baby, followed by an 11 lb 12 oz baby. Big babies does not a flat tummy make.

In other news, I have been on a job search for a few months now, with some serious serious searching in the past few weeks. On my 30th birthday, I interviewed for a position with a health care organization (Helloooo! Great benefits!) and yesterday they phoned to let me know they were checking my references. The Walrus thinks the job is mine. It'll mean great money, great benefits (oh, did I already mention that?), and an "in" at an organization that could really help advance my career. The downside? The hours. 3p-11p, with alternating weekends and holidays. That means missing my childrens' bedtime 5 out of 7 nights per week. That would also mean that if I am still employed there next fall, when Miss Serious is in all-day Kindergarten, I would see her before school each morning and that's it for 5 out of 7 days. That feels wrong to me. Can you imagine seeing your kids for an hour or so a day? Granted, I would have two complete days off with her, but that just doesn't feel like enough for me. How will I keep up with her goings-on? Will our relationship suffer? These are the thoughts that go through my head as I sit and hope for this job because we need the money so bad.

It doesn't help to have an unsympathetic MIL who says "You're 30 now. It's time to do what the rest of the world is doing." As IF I have been squatting in my parents' basement for 12 years deciding what I want to do with my life. I've been raising my children! How offensive.

Anyway, there is my story. As The Walrus says, we'll cross each bridge as we come to it. And he's right. But I just like to have a strong enough pair of binoculars to be able to see each bridge up ahead and have the plan all laid out, so when we cross it, there are no surprises.

Is that so wrong?

Monday, October 8, 2007

So, uh, yeah...

Current Weight: 190

Yup. I've gained 8 lbs. How? Just not watching what I eat, and indulging in some foods that I had been avoiding for a long time. It's kind of crazy that I'd gain so much in such a short period of time, but I am also on my period so perhaps some of it can be attributed to that.

So, part of the program for self-motivation is to hold myself accountable and weigh-in every day, and post my weight so I can't lie to myself or my two readers (ha ha!).

My plan is to stick to Kimkins because I know the weight will come off fast. I know losing fast isn't the healthiest way and I know Kimkins is controversial, but it is motivating to watch the weight come off fast, and we are looking toward trying to get pregnant after the first of the year, and I need to be a healthier vessel for a baby to grow. Besides, I'd rather get to a normal weight fast than sit at "obese" on the charts for any longer.

Still working out nearly every day. Also had some Reiki done. I've also made the decision to make this blog about overall health and wellness, as I know good mental health is just as important as physical health. And those close to me know I could use a good mental/emotional cleansing.

More to come later... but for now, yes, I am back to 190 lbs... and after I just bought a pair of 16 petite pants (as opposed to 16W!!). They still fit, though.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Lost: Nicole Richie

Okay, don't forget to scroll down to my new Future MILF Weigh-in post after reading this, but in it I forgot to mention that the weight loss total between The Walrus and I is as follows:

The Walrus: 37
Me: 48
Total: 85 lbs. = (pre-pregnancy) Nicole Richie!

We have lost ONE WHOLE PERSON between the two of us. If she weren't so tragic, it would be funny.

Future MILF Weigh-In: A New Low...

...but in a GOOD way!
Previous weight: 188
Current weight: 181
Total lost since June 4th: 48 lbs

This was my weight on Saturday, 9/22, the morning of my surprise 30th birthday party (but I won't be 30 until the 28th, so I am still in my 20s, people. Make no mistake!). I am entering new territory, and soon I'll be in the 170s.

It doesn't seem as though I am dropping clothes sizes as much as I should be - I was at about a 20w (18/20, usually), and my 16Ws are loose now. I guess I thought I'd be shopping at the regular girls' stores by now. Though, admittedly, I haven't tried anything on yet. My dream is to shop at GAP again. I'm gonna be a GAP MILF.

I have set some goals with rewards and I am going to post them here to make them "official".

179 by 9/28: Reward: Being down 50 lbs by my 30th birthday. Damn!
169: New pair of jeans. While I have not dropped sizes like I thought I would, the novelty of the baggy, falling-off-my-ass jeans has definitely worn off. Time to wear some clothes that fit. GAP MILF, not Hip-Hop Mama.
159: Papaya Enzyme Facial - scrum-diddly-umptious!
149: Haircut and highlights
139: More new jeans
127: Goal Weight! New tattoo, new wardrobe, and unprotected sex (read: trying to get pregnant). And of course, OFFICIAL MILF-DOM!!!!

The Walrus wants me to get a pair of shorts or sweats with words on the butt. Help me decide between "CUTIE", "JUICY", or "UWM". Ha.

My BMI has dropped from 42 to 34.7.

In other news, I have a job interview on Friday. Please do wish me luck. I need to be able to afford to go grocery shopping again.

Finishing up the birthday food and it's back to the plan tomorrow. Watch for my entrance into the 170s by Friday!

Ciao, baby.